Happy St. Patricks Day!

 I remember coming home from work and dads car was gone.  That was such a weird feeling.  Mom did not drive and I already had a car, so we did not need to keep it.  It just seemed that now his car was gone that it made his death more a reality.  We used my dads car to bring family to the funeral home for his viewing.  As soon as the car was parked, it died right there.  It was funny in a way...it was like my dad was saying if he couldn't drive his car, no one would.

I finally went to the cemetery and saw my moms headstone.  I took a yellow rose for her and a red rose for my dad.  Being there made her death so real and final for me.  I am thankful that she is with my dad now, but it does not take away the pain for me.  I just think of the time we had together and wish there could have been more.  I hope that I did all I could for her...hopefully I did not complain too much...hopefully I brought her everything she needed and requested...hopefully I was a good, loving, and faithful daughter.  There are days when I feel guilty...days when I feel like I could have done better...days where tears just fall from my eyes, missing her so much. 

 
   

March 2, 2014

     I remember coming home from work one day and going to check the mail.  I said to myself, "I am going to ask dad about that."  Then it hit me, my dad was not here to ask any questions to any more.  It was a weird feeling...sad to know that I could not have a conversation with my dad any more.  It is a strange feeling to know that someone who was an important part of your life is no longer here on this earth.  As I sit here, I remember when my dad asked me to wash his car for him as a Father's Day gift and I asked him why he wanted me to do that since he no longer was able to drive.  He just wanted his car to look nice even if he couldn't drive it any more.  I was happy to do this for him.

    I remember when we first moved to Texas and mom had asked me to help her pick out some of the wallpaper for the rooms of the house.  I remember thinking to myself, there are too many choices and I know why mom wanted help.  Now, as I look at the wallpaper that is in the kitchen and in the bathrooms, I think, how fast can we get it off?  It is funny how things change and what becomes "in" and "out" with houses.  No matter what stays and what changes, there will always be so many memories of my mom in this house.  Even Princess and Logan, the dogs in the family, have their spots that you could find them at when mom was here.  They still go to them and I wonder sometimes if they know something or see something that we cannot.  I know that they miss her too and I know that she loved them.  I miss you too mom...all the time.