I remember coming home from work and dads car was gone. That was such a weird feeling. Mom did not drive and I already had a car, so we did not need to keep it. It just seemed that now his car was gone that it made his death more a reality. We used my dads car to bring family to the funeral home for his viewing. As soon as the car was parked, it died right there. It was funny in a way...it was like my dad was saying if he couldn't drive his car, no one would.
I finally went to the cemetery and saw my moms headstone. I took a yellow rose for her and a red rose for my dad. Being there made her death so real and final for me. I am thankful that she is with my dad now, but it does not take away the pain for me. I just think of the time we had together and wish there could have been more. I hope that I did all I could for her...hopefully I did not complain too much...hopefully I brought her everything she needed and requested...hopefully I was a good, loving, and faithful daughter. There are days when I feel guilty...days when I feel like I could have done better...days where tears just fall from my eyes, missing her so much.
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