Well, this was our first Easter without mom. Mark, Tammy, Alyssa, and Holly joined us...Laura, Nancy, Adrianna, and myself. It was nice being with family, but there was definitely something missing. I remembered that the previous Easter mom was at Mansfield Methodist Hospital. I remember her saying that she wished she was home for Easter. If someone had told me that a year from that Easter, my mom would be gone, I do not think I would have believed them. It still seems weird to me and I wonder if it will ever feel right.
Losing a parent is not easy and it does leave your heart aching without them. I am thankful that both of my parents were Christians and I know that they are each in heaven, but that does not take away the pain that I feel. I know I feel this way because I am a human here on earth. A sweet neighbor gave me his condolences one day and told me that,"we miss them too much." I believe he is right. You never want your parents to suffer and/or be in pain, but you never want them to die either. Life is never the same without your parents no matter what. You just have to take it one day at a time and make it the best you can.
I miss you mom and dad!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
One of my favorite memories I have with my dad is when I was with him and I got to ride on an elephant. I do not remember what was going on, but I do remember riding on an elephant. I thought that was the coolest thing. I don't know if my mom knew anything about this, but I am thankful for this fun memory that I made with my dad.
I remember a time that Adrianna, mom, and I were at JCPenny and we got on the elevator to go look at clothes. As the elevator began to move, it suddenly stopped. None of us were happy about this and those little lights installed in the ceiling, seemed to be beating down on us. I remember thinking how hot it was in there and that it seemed awfully small. Luckily we weren't stuck in there for too long. After that experience, we were not anxious to get in an elevator any time soon.
When my mom passed away her best friend and her family sent us a peace lily plant. On the card there was a quote, "Those that live in the Lord never see each other for the last time." This quote has become one of my favorites. The words are simple and the meaning is true. Even though I know it is a true statement, the human side of me wishes I could have had more time with my mom.
I remember a time that Adrianna, mom, and I were at JCPenny and we got on the elevator to go look at clothes. As the elevator began to move, it suddenly stopped. None of us were happy about this and those little lights installed in the ceiling, seemed to be beating down on us. I remember thinking how hot it was in there and that it seemed awfully small. Luckily we weren't stuck in there for too long. After that experience, we were not anxious to get in an elevator any time soon.
When my mom passed away her best friend and her family sent us a peace lily plant. On the card there was a quote, "Those that live in the Lord never see each other for the last time." This quote has become one of my favorites. The words are simple and the meaning is true. Even though I know it is a true statement, the human side of me wishes I could have had more time with my mom.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Happy St. Patricks Day!
I remember coming home from work and dads car was gone. That was such a weird feeling. Mom did not drive and I already had a car, so we did not need to keep it. It just seemed that now his car was gone that it made his death more a reality. We used my dads car to bring family to the funeral home for his viewing. As soon as the car was parked, it died right there. It was funny in a way...it was like my dad was saying if he couldn't drive his car, no one would.
I finally went to the cemetery and saw my moms headstone. I took a yellow rose for her and a red rose for my dad. Being there made her death so real and final for me. I am thankful that she is with my dad now, but it does not take away the pain for me. I just think of the time we had together and wish there could have been more. I hope that I did all I could for her...hopefully I did not complain too much...hopefully I brought her everything she needed and requested...hopefully I was a good, loving, and faithful daughter. There are days when I feel guilty...days when I feel like I could have done better...days where tears just fall from my eyes, missing her so much.
I remember coming home from work and dads car was gone. That was such a weird feeling. Mom did not drive and I already had a car, so we did not need to keep it. It just seemed that now his car was gone that it made his death more a reality. We used my dads car to bring family to the funeral home for his viewing. As soon as the car was parked, it died right there. It was funny in a way...it was like my dad was saying if he couldn't drive his car, no one would.
I finally went to the cemetery and saw my moms headstone. I took a yellow rose for her and a red rose for my dad. Being there made her death so real and final for me. I am thankful that she is with my dad now, but it does not take away the pain for me. I just think of the time we had together and wish there could have been more. I hope that I did all I could for her...hopefully I did not complain too much...hopefully I brought her everything she needed and requested...hopefully I was a good, loving, and faithful daughter. There are days when I feel guilty...days when I feel like I could have done better...days where tears just fall from my eyes, missing her so much.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
March 2, 2014
I remember coming home from work one day and going to check the mail. I said to myself, "I am going to ask dad about that." Then it hit me, my dad was not here to ask any questions to any more. It was a weird feeling...sad to know that I could not have a conversation with my dad any more. It is a strange feeling to know that someone who was an important part of your life is no longer here on this earth. As I sit here, I remember when my dad asked me to wash his car for him as a Father's Day gift and I asked him why he wanted me to do that since he no longer was able to drive. He just wanted his car to look nice even if he couldn't drive it any more. I was happy to do this for him.
I remember when we first moved to Texas and mom had asked me to help her pick out some of the wallpaper for the rooms of the house. I remember thinking to myself, there are too many choices and I know why mom wanted help. Now, as I look at the wallpaper that is in the kitchen and in the bathrooms, I think, how fast can we get it off? It is funny how things change and what becomes "in" and "out" with houses. No matter what stays and what changes, there will always be so many memories of my mom in this house. Even Princess and Logan, the dogs in the family, have their spots that you could find them at when mom was here. They still go to them and I wonder sometimes if they know something or see something that we cannot. I know that they miss her too and I know that she loved them. I miss you too mom...all the time.
I remember coming home from work one day and going to check the mail. I said to myself, "I am going to ask dad about that." Then it hit me, my dad was not here to ask any questions to any more. It was a weird feeling...sad to know that I could not have a conversation with my dad any more. It is a strange feeling to know that someone who was an important part of your life is no longer here on this earth. As I sit here, I remember when my dad asked me to wash his car for him as a Father's Day gift and I asked him why he wanted me to do that since he no longer was able to drive. He just wanted his car to look nice even if he couldn't drive it any more. I was happy to do this for him.
I remember when we first moved to Texas and mom had asked me to help her pick out some of the wallpaper for the rooms of the house. I remember thinking to myself, there are too many choices and I know why mom wanted help. Now, as I look at the wallpaper that is in the kitchen and in the bathrooms, I think, how fast can we get it off? It is funny how things change and what becomes "in" and "out" with houses. No matter what stays and what changes, there will always be so many memories of my mom in this house. Even Princess and Logan, the dogs in the family, have their spots that you could find them at when mom was here. They still go to them and I wonder sometimes if they know something or see something that we cannot. I know that they miss her too and I know that she loved them. I miss you too mom...all the time.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
February 17, 2014
My dads boss was gracious enough to allow me to go and collect his things from his desk at work. She took me the day he passed, which was perfect for me because it was Sunday and I would not have to worry about running into anyone. You see, my dad and I worked for the same company at one time and we knew a lot of the same people. This helped make an awkward moment so much easier. It was hard enough to clean off his desk and if I had seen someone we both had known, it would have been even harder. It was nice remembering certain events as I packed up his things. It was weird knowing that I would not be able to have a conversation with him again.
My mom had been through so much with her health and I knew this, but I was not expecting to lose her so soon. I know that you are never ready to lose a parent and when it happens, it is a terrible feeling. I believe that I am struggling more with the loss of my mom because I was her caretaker for two years and mothers and daughters have close relationships. When you take care of someone in your family, it can be stressful and very rewarding. I would have to say that I experienced both of these. I can tell you honestly though, I would do it again in a heart beat. I do not regret the time I had with my mom, but I only wish that we could have had more. It still causes my heart to ache knowing that she is not here with me any more. I miss her.
My dads boss was gracious enough to allow me to go and collect his things from his desk at work. She took me the day he passed, which was perfect for me because it was Sunday and I would not have to worry about running into anyone. You see, my dad and I worked for the same company at one time and we knew a lot of the same people. This helped make an awkward moment so much easier. It was hard enough to clean off his desk and if I had seen someone we both had known, it would have been even harder. It was nice remembering certain events as I packed up his things. It was weird knowing that I would not be able to have a conversation with him again.
My mom had been through so much with her health and I knew this, but I was not expecting to lose her so soon. I know that you are never ready to lose a parent and when it happens, it is a terrible feeling. I believe that I am struggling more with the loss of my mom because I was her caretaker for two years and mothers and daughters have close relationships. When you take care of someone in your family, it can be stressful and very rewarding. I would have to say that I experienced both of these. I can tell you honestly though, I would do it again in a heart beat. I do not regret the time I had with my mom, but I only wish that we could have had more. It still causes my heart to ache knowing that she is not here with me any more. I miss her.
Monday, February 17, 2014
February 17, 2014
When I lost my dad in 2001, it was hard, but it was easier to deal with. You see, my dad had lung cancer and it had spread to his rib cage as well. He did everything humanly possible to beat this cancer, always had a positive attitude, never blamed God, showed his amazing faith, and we had so many Christians all over the world praying for his healing. God was ready for my dad to be with Him in heaven and so he left this earth on August 19th, 2001. (This just happened to be the day after Nancy's birthday, my sister, the 18th). I was mad at God for taking my dad from me. You see, I knew God could have made him well and I did not understand why he allowed him to die. Oh, I still loved God with all my heart, but I was angry at Him. Watching someone you love slowly die from cancer is just awful. I had asked God to please allow me to be with my dad when it was his time to go and God granted my wish. It was a beautiful, sunny day when he left this earth and I remember asking myself, "I wonder what it is like in heaven today?"
Now, it is hard for me to believe that my mom has been gone for 6 months already. My mom celebrated her 78th birthday on August 2, 2013. Her home health nurse and physical therapy person each brought her a card, flowers, and a cake to help celebrate her special day. These two fine ladies meant a lot to my mom and myself and they had touched our hearts. It was a quiet day, but we both enjoyed it. I went to the Cheesecake Factory and picked up our dinner for that evening. I remember how we both said it had been a nice day. I would have never imagined that a week later to the date, my mom would be gone. My heart aches for her and sometimes it just seems too surreal to be true.
When I lost my dad in 2001, it was hard, but it was easier to deal with. You see, my dad had lung cancer and it had spread to his rib cage as well. He did everything humanly possible to beat this cancer, always had a positive attitude, never blamed God, showed his amazing faith, and we had so many Christians all over the world praying for his healing. God was ready for my dad to be with Him in heaven and so he left this earth on August 19th, 2001. (This just happened to be the day after Nancy's birthday, my sister, the 18th). I was mad at God for taking my dad from me. You see, I knew God could have made him well and I did not understand why he allowed him to die. Oh, I still loved God with all my heart, but I was angry at Him. Watching someone you love slowly die from cancer is just awful. I had asked God to please allow me to be with my dad when it was his time to go and God granted my wish. It was a beautiful, sunny day when he left this earth and I remember asking myself, "I wonder what it is like in heaven today?"
Now, it is hard for me to believe that my mom has been gone for 6 months already. My mom celebrated her 78th birthday on August 2, 2013. Her home health nurse and physical therapy person each brought her a card, flowers, and a cake to help celebrate her special day. These two fine ladies meant a lot to my mom and myself and they had touched our hearts. It was a quiet day, but we both enjoyed it. I went to the Cheesecake Factory and picked up our dinner for that evening. I remember how we both said it had been a nice day. I would have never imagined that a week later to the date, my mom would be gone. My heart aches for her and sometimes it just seems too surreal to be true.
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